Friday, July 22, 2011

Cacophony of Constantly Coughing Kids

This piece was first published as a Facebook status update 4/28/11 when my wife and I and my two sons all had walking pneumonia. It is 100% true. I was actually eating cold cantaloupe while writing this.

Raphael is confiding in the crown-capping, corporation-kowtowing, cutlery-cupping, cockroach-crushing, crap-kicking, calf-castrating, cow-killing, caliper-calibrating, caravan-casting, car-chroming, coin-compensating, code-cracking, cuticle-clipping, corn-cultivating, coupon-cutting, creditcard-collecting, carol-crooning, calendar-checking, card-creasing, course-cramming, creature-collecting, collie-calling, cat-cuddling, concerned, capitalist country that he is…

…currently cornered on the couch consuming cold cantaloupe while being cajoled by a cacophony of constantly coughing kids carrying and catapulting cantankerous, colluding, clingy critters who are comfortably and contentedly camping in their craniums and carpooling cunningly through cartilage in their collarbones to their coccyges creating carnage that cannot be canceled unless a courageous captain cleverly conceives how to conclude the carnage through a careful campaign of codeine, consoling, comforting, and cold-presses that coincidentally is completely catastrophic for the conniving, crappy little con-artists….

…At least there’s no crying from the couple of cute, cuddly children sipping cool water out of colorful crazy, company-created contraptions: cups.  

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